Finally a Good Day

Today I woke up late - 9:00. I am supposed to start working from my home office at 8:30. I screwed around on the internet most of the morning. However, I worked all afternoon - 3.5 solid hours. This is pretty good for me. So I feel happy. Listening to Tibetan Chanting helped (don't laugh or judge).

This day is a culmination of about 2 weeks worth of returning to recovery. I credit my reaching out on the internet through this blog and the associated email as playing a large role in this.

This time when I return to recovery, I am going to do recovery on my own terms - only what works for me. Now I am not saying I will ignore the 12-steps or avoid getting a sponsor - just that I will do those things in a way that works for me. In the past I have submitted myself to the ideas of other addicts because that was my interpretation of the message of the program. However, I have realized that the true proof is in the pudding - and I am pretty sure that by now I know what a good pudding is like (matcha flavoured creme-caramel for example - don't laugh.)

So when I say "pornography is in my middle circle", it's gonna take a pretty good explanation to convince me otherwise - and that explanation better be based on a pretty good understanding of me and my addiction.

Before I go off on the unhealthy road of resentment, I will finish with some positive thoughts and words.

This day has been brought to me through a return to recovery - and not by paying lip service, but by a true spiritual movement and feeling. I hope it continues, because I feel pretty darn good now. And if I can get addicted to this good feeling, I may just become one of those guys who's been clean longer than he can remember.